Last week, while Mikell was in Maryland, I had a Spain moment. I missed it...so so much. I sat in bed and cried and watched all the announcement videos from when I was there. I watched myself "fly" and dance with Chris Hylton. I watched Stephanie kick butt and Elaine drink cafe. I watched Ross .. well.. be Ross and Carole be Carole. Dean danced, Joan gave birth to Shrek, Alex played bass and Sara didn't have a clue....and I cried some more. I was so alive in Spain - spending so much time in a different culture was exhilarating, learning a new language was exciting, hanging out with Spaniards was my life...it was a great life - and last week I missed it dearly.
After watching all the videos, I felt dead. Everyday I go to school, teach, wear myself out, come home and crash. Last Friday I fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. I don't have friends like I did in Spain, I am not a part of a community like En Vivo and last week I had a day where that bothered me. I miss the relationships. I miss hanging out. I miss playing 'signales' and acting like a fool to get people to come to en vivo. Essentially, I miss pouring myself out to people.
SSOooo, as I laid in bed crying, wanting nothing more than to be in Salamanca, I realized that I have the same opportunities I had in Spain everyday at school with my students. I realized that my students need me. They need me to love them, to talk with them, to teach them, to act like a fool so that they learn, to be an example of Christ to them.
They need me. And sometime I think they need me more than the Spaniards did... and here is why:
Today, one of my 14 year old freshmen told me she lost her virginity in middle school and got caught by her mom. So instead of fessing up to what she was doing, she told her mom that he had raped her.
My students wished me "Happy 4-20"
One girl came to class with her boobs practically hanging out of her shirt. When i told her to cover herself or go change she asked me why. I replied by telling her that I didn't want to look at her while I was teaching to which she said "that's what they are here for."
They do not care if they fail. At all. So they are all failing.
I have 2 students who are pregnant. Which to them is no big deal. 130 out of every 1,000 teenage girls become pregnant in El Paso.
One of my freshmen is on probation because he alluded the police because he was in possession. Apparently he is a drug dealer.
There are about 350 students per grade at my school. Only 70% graduate. That means that every year 105 students who should graduate don't.
I have a 17 year old freshman.
Some of my students are having sex during their off-campus lunch.
One of my students has had a body cavity search because the administration thought he was selling drugs at school.
One of my girls went to alternative school this week because she got busted at prom with alcohol.
A couple of my students can't read.
I hear more cuss words in one day than I heard in four years at GSU.
I've been cussed out by a student.
One of my girls had a Bible in class and it had a white cover. One guy was completely confused as to why it was white. I asked him what he thought the Bible was supposed to look like - he told me he thought they were all brown. When I told him mine was pink and green he said that it wasn't a Bible, that it was a book.
My sophomores didnt know what aids, limited, dew and dispersed meant.
My students need me. I know that. I just hope that I can make a difference.
This just broke my heart. Keep your chin up. These kids are lucky to have an amazing person like you make a footprint on their lives. Love you!
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